so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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