Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
