proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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