"it" just moved
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
