I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My friends, they love my intelligence
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
