We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This baby is an asshole
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
