how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
