i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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