Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
