worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
