i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
