He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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