I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize