You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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