I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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