making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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