Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
