Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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