Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
