I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize