I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We had to coat check the pizza.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
