break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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