my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
