So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
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