I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I believe in your delicious
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
