call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My ATM looks so different sober.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
