I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
