Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
