can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
