did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My nipple is on Facebook.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
