so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
