Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
