Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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