Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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