so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize