pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
