There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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