I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
