I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
