You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
