yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
