Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i drank out of a bidet.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
