I wish I could punch you in the face.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
