so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize