About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
