Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
