babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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