Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
