I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
