my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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