well you can't waste a boner
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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