he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
