I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
