Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
