Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
