i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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