here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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