You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he fucked my hip out of place.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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