Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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