I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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