I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
