its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
