Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
