you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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