I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
