i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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