This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize