Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
