Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
