You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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